Why I Won’t Be Vacationing in California

My partner and I had been planning on taking a trip to San Francisco this spring. We were thinking of it as a honeymoon, even though we can’t get married. We’ve been together for 9 years and have never taken a vacation without the kids.

But after watching the arguments to overturn Prop 8, I get the feeling that they aren’t going to do it. So why should I go to a state and spend a bunch of money when they obviously don’t value their own LGBT citizens? Gosh, if I want to see bigots all I have to do is stick my head out the door. I don’t need to travel to California to do it.

In fact, I no longer recognize the state of California. It is New Oklahoma as far as I’m concerned. I’m going to save that money and in four years, I will have been cancer-free for five years. Then maybe I can immigrate Canada.

And to all you LGBTs out there in New Oklahoma, I suggest you boycott that state and leave. Hell, you can come to Oklahomo where housing is cheap. And we’ll turn the red state pink.

Christian Potheads with Ugly Websites

Lavender Liberal, who does a great job of reporting on the battle against Prop 8 out there in California, published an article yesterday about the Caster family. This is a family that not only gave over half a million dollars to the “Yes on 8″ campaign, but also has one of the ugliest websites I have ever seen. It should be a crime to have a website so ugly. Plus, I think Cha Cha Caster is probably a porn star.

I won’t tell you what the article says. Go there and read it yourself. And while you’re there, buy a t-shirt. I have the Harvey Milk design and I love it.

When fascism comes to America, it will be eating apple pie (wrapped in a flag) and smoking pot.

The Culture War or What is Hate – Part III

After the passage of Propostion 8, I spent quite a bit of time reading Mormon blogs. This was difficult to do because I hate Mormons. Then again, I hate Southern Baptists and pretty much all Evangelical Christian types who think that homosexuals are an abomination of god. But I wanted to understand them. What makes these assholes tick?

One blog that was particularly useful in my quest for knowledge is called “Dream a little dream…” by a Mormon inspirational speaker lady. She is so far to the right, so hateful toward people like me, that reading her blog makes me feel like I am about to puke. She did, however,point me to an article in an LDS magazine written by a Los Angeles Police Detective Paul Bishop who, until recently, considered himself quite tolerant of the LGBT community. He talks about how difficult it was to join in the “Yes on 8″ rallies, yet join in he did. And then he was shocked by the anger he witnessed after it passed. Of course, he didn’t call it “anger”. He called it “hatred”.

Here’s my favorite part of his article:

How do we respond to hatred disguised by the adversary as tolerance? Our stake president has talked to the temple presidency who has assured him the temple will be open for business as usual. There are eight weddings scheduled on the grounds. Will we be able to get to the temple without being molested or our vehicles vandalized? We must place our faith in the Lord and proceed.

Oh my gosh! The Mormons are worried about being molested or having their vehicles vandalised. But let’s take a look at the LGBT side of the equation. I will rewrite this paragraph from the point-of-view of a lesbian:

How do we respond to hatred disguised by the adversary as tolerance? Although I don’t attend church, I have recently begun going to my local Pride center so I can feel some sense of a community. But today I have to go to work and then the grocery store. Will I be gang-raped or shot in the back of the head? I must place my faith in humanity’s better instincts and proceed.

It quickly becomes obvious here that if I want to understand how Mormons and others of their ilk think, all I have to do is examine my own personal views and then turn them around 180 degrees. The only thing I have going for me is that I recognize my hatred for what it is, but they don’t.

Detective Bishop goes on to paraphrase and quote from Luke to justify his position of tolerance. So I decided to do something I haven’t done in decades: read the bible. Specifically, Luke 23: 1-34. To my surprise, I found this passage quite beautiful and moving from a literary standpoint which is the only way I can read the bible. After all, once you accept Jesus as metaphor, a representation of ‘everyman’, then there is nothing wrong with what he says. And so I can apply Jesus’ words to the Mormons: ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do’.

This all seems quite logical and yet, there is one very obvious flaw in my reasoning. If you haven’t caught it, I will come right out and say it because this is not the time for subtlety: I have created in my mind one huge group of people and labeled them. Whether I call them Mormons, Southern Baptists, Evangelical Pricks, really makes no difference. They are a faceless mob that is against everything I believe in. No wonder I hate them so much. For who isn’t afraid of a faceless mob, and what is hatred if not fear?

Rick Warren condemns homosexual behavior. Therefore, anyone “immature” enough to engage in it is part of that faceless mob called Homosexuals. It doesn’t matter how much he might like Melissa Etheridge as an individual. He still, somehow, is not quite able to see beyond the fact that she is doomed to burn in hell because the bible tells him so. In other words, Melissa Etheridge is not fully human.

Sometimes I think it must be easy to view the world in such stark black-and-white terms, to know without a doubt what is good and what is evil, to believe in such a simplistic concept as Heaven and Hell. But I can’t. From an early age at Catholic Sunday school, the idea that bad people would burn for eternity struck me as grossly unfair. Condemning someone to eternal damnation was not my idea of a loving god. And someone who believes in such a thing is, in my mind, very immature.

So maybe it is time for subtlety. If we think of Jesus as a symbol for ‘everyman’, then we are all children of god. And we all have to love one another without judging them. It is easy to judge mobs, but infinitely more difficult to pass judgment on an individual. To paraphrase the bible, who among us can say what is right or wrong? Who among us is perfect? If God (whatever that is) is the only perfect being and the only one capable of judging, then I have nothing to fear.

So to the faceless people who insist on judging me I have one word: Stop! Let me live my life in the way I see fit. By judging me, by insisting that their is a stink in my soul, you foster a climate of hatred that makes it acceptable for groups of violent, young men to go around raping and killing people like me.

Yes, Candace Salima. I am talking to you. I know you would never shoot some “faggot” in the back of the head, but you still have blood on your hands. I’m finding it very difficult to see beyond the stink in your soul, to see you as an individual, but I will keep trying, for my own sake.

The fact is, Obama is right. We have to reach out to the other side. We have to talk to them and try to understand them. We have to find a way to get them to understand us. We have to learn to coexist. And while many of us on both sides of the culture war may never be able to bridge the gap that divides us, I have some faith in this nation’s youth.

In the meantime, I’ve decided to throw my lot in with the local Democratic party to make my voice heard. I’ve flirted with political activism in the past but never been truly involved. Now is the time. I will be fighting for civil unions for all, and I won’t stop until I achieve my goal or I am dead.

What is Hate? Part I

I’ve been very busy this last month and have not felt like writing because I’ve been listening/reading and thinking, something I would advise all Americans to do a bit more of. Hell, foreigners, too. We’re all one big global community. Aren’t we? Children of god, so to speak.

Yeah, I know I said I wasn’t going to hate anymore. But just the other day I was driving home from my crap job in Broken Arrow and what should I see but a couple of Mormon missionaries. They were riding bicycles and wearing heavy coats because it was a very cold day, but even without the telltale short-sleeve white shirts visible, I knew them for what they were immediately.

In the 13-some years I have been back in Oklahoma (which I am ashamed to call my home state), I have only seen Mormon missionaries on one other occasion and that was about six or seven years ago. I pointed them out to the kids so they would know what they looked like, but, of course, that is as far as it went.

This time, though, without really thinking about it, I rolled down the window and shouted “F*ck you” at them. I’m not sure if they heard me because a bitter wind was blowing and my voice isn’t very loud, but the one in the lead looked up at me. He had dark brown hair and dark brown puppy-dog eyes. A very handsome young man, indeed. And I thought, ‘my god, he’s just a kid, eighteen-years old, just a year older than my eldest daughter’. For a moment, I felt absolutely awful. What if someone did that to my kid? Of course, she’s not traveling door-to-door trying to convert people to her own particular way of thinking. So I think she’s safe (ignoring, for the moment, the fact that she’s a woman living in a country where everybody owns guns).

Whether he heard my words or not, I could tell by the look in his eyes that he certainly registered my intent. And I’ll bet he knew I was a lesbian, too, so this wasn’t some random “Mormon-bashing” but the results of a California ballot initiative spreading to the darkest recesses of this “great nation”.

I discussed the incident with my partner that evening, and she said I did the right thing. By that time, I had already concluded that I had, or at least, that, if time went backward and the situation happened again, that was the only possible way I could react. Like I said, I didn’t have time to think about it. I saw the two missionaries and acted on instinct, knowing it might be years before I got another chance.

So what is hate? Is it something dark that hides in our bellies and spews forth at the slightest provocation? Yeah, that might be it. Is it rational? I don’t think so. Does it come out of nowhere or is there some underlying cause, something we might not be aware of on the surface but that festers inside of us like a malignant tumor? And is it so little understood that we might be tempted to give it other names? Yes, I think it is. Some of us might even call it love.

To be continued….

National Organization for Marriage Strikes Again

Brian S. Brown of National Organization for Marriage doesn’t mess around. Apparently, he also doesn’t read his email because he sent me another one today, although I should clearly be removed from their list. Here’s the email I received:

Dear Arym,

You’ve probably seen by now a copy of “Gay Marriage and Schoolkids” by the National Organization for Marriage’s President Maggie Gallagher, which appeared in the New York Post and papers around the country.

Maggie asks a really terrific question: “What do gay marriage advocates think public schools should teach about marriage, if gay marriage is the law of the land?”

Well, we don’t have to wonder any longer. The smart folks at Schubert Flint had the bright idea: Let’s take a look at what the same gay marriage groups saying one thing in California recently told courts in Massachusetts about whether parents should have a right to opt out of gay marriage curricula in public schools.

From the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) Amicus Curiae Brief:

“In the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, where the right of same-sex couples to marry is protected under the state constitution, it is particularly important to teach children about families with gay parents.” [p 5]

From the Human Rights Campaign Amicus Curiae Brief:

“There is no constitutional principle grounded in either the First Amendment’s free exercise clause or the right to direct the upbringing of one’s children, which requires defendants to either remove the books now in issue — or to treat them as suspect by imposing an opt-out system.” [pp1-2]

From the ACLU Amicus Curiae Brief:

“Specifically, the parents in this case do not have a constitutional right to override the professional pedagogical judgment of the school with respect to the inclusion within the curriculum of the age-appropriate children’s book…King and King.” [p 9]

Like Maggie asked, “Could we have a reasonably honest discussion please about what you have in store for California’s second graders?”

We got bad news last week from Connecticut where once again a narrow majority decided to toss 2000 years of human wisdom out the window.

This is my week for quoting Maggie.

On National Review Online’s blog The Corner, she expressed her views on the Connecticut decision this way: “Let’s see, on the one hand we have the consensus of the human race over thousands of years and hundreds of societies that there is something distinctive and unique about unions of husband and wife–on the other hand we have the wisdom of Harvard Law school, invented five minutes ago, that anyone who sees a difference is either insane or full of seething malice towards gay people.”

The New York Times, in their October 11 story “Using Biology, Not Religion, To Argue Against Same-Sex Marriage,” also quoted Maggie in response. “Maggie Gallagher, president of the National Organization for Marriage, a group set up expressly to fight the movement toward gay marriage, said the decision could also spur action to pass constitutional amendments in California, Florida and Arizona that would define marriage as being between a man and a woman.

“‘I think everyone that feels outraged by this Supreme Court decision is going to take renewed energy that we have to rein in the courts,’ Ms. Gallagher said.”

I couldn’t put it better myself.

We try hard to be your voice here at the National Organization for Marriage: the voice that is not afraid to speak truth–in love–to power for this generation and for the generations to come. (To help us fight for marriage for your children and grandchildren, donate $25, $50, or $100 here.)

The other side is getting increasingly nasty, desperate–and, in at least one case, violent, according to the campaign:

“Prop. 8 supporter, Jose Nunez, 37, was brutally assaulted while waiting to distribute yard signs to other supporters of the initiative after church services at the St. Stanislaus Parish in
Modesto.

“The assailant grabbed about 75 signs and yelled at Nunez accusingly, ‘What do you have against gays!’ Although Nunez replied that he had nothing against gays, he was attacked anyway. The assailant punched Nunez in the left eye and ran off with the signs.” (From a Protect Marriage press release.)

It’s incredible that anyone would be so filled with hate they would want to attack a fellow citizen simply for standing up for God’s truth about the nature and purpose of marriage. But that’s apparently the times we live in.

I also know the vast majority of gay people are ashamed and embarrassed by the actions of hooligans like this. If Prop 8 passes, same-sex couples will keep all the legal protections of civil unions. But that doesn’t stop leaders in the anti-Prop 8 crowd–not low-level thugs like the man who attacked Jose, but the high-level leaders–from engaging in mean-spirited boycotts intended to economically punish whole businesses because one person involved supported Prop 8. That doesn’t stop high-level leaders from relentless name-calling, labeling California voters they disagree with as “anti-gay” and “liars.”

Frankly, I do think these leaders’ actions fosters an environment where ugliness like the attack on Jose happens. And I think their relentlessly nasty attacks (of which the “lies” campaign is just more of the same) is going to backfire among fair-minded California voters, too.

It’s an honor to have the chance to meet and work with so many Americans–especially here in California–who refuse to be intimidated from common sense, or the larger moral truth: Marriage is good. It’s an ancient honorable estate, not rooted in animus towards anyone.

“I am still trying to discuss it with my daughter who was brainwashed in government class in public high school,” one incredibly persistent pro-marriage volunteer named Barb wrote to Maggie recently.

Barb is an amazing example of the outpouring of love and energy bringing together people from all walks of life, every creed, every color across this country to protect marriage.

Barb started by asking us for help in approaching her priest to preach on marriage. “What should I say to Father Michael? Thanks in advance,” Barb asked.

Maggie wrote back: “Say, ‘There’s an important vote on Prop 8, and the Catholic bishops have endorsed it.’

“Say, ‘I really really need help explaining to my children and/or grandchildren why it’s important to protect this understanding of marriage as a husband/wife thing. Would you please help me teach the next generation why our church teaches that marriage really matters to the whole society?’”

This week Barb wrote back to say she’ll be manning a booth outside of three masses this Sunday, distributing flyers for Prop 8!

Way to go Barb! She’s my new hero–but one of many new heroes for marriage coming out of this fight.

Way to go each and every one of you who’ve taken action to protect marriage! Whether it’s donating time or money, calling a friend, asking your minister to preach Yes on Prop 8 in California (or Yes on Prop 2 in Florida or Yes on Prop 102 in Arizona)–we’d be nowhere without you.

Pray for Jose and his family.

And I pray that God rewards each and every one of you for your courage and fidelity.

Yours in Christ,

Brian Brown

Brian S. Brown
Executive Director
National Organization for Marriage
20 Nassau Street, Suite 242
Princeton, NJ 08542
bbrown@nationformarriage.org

Then there was a reprinting in there entirety of five hateful articles they have managed to get published since October 11th and October 15th. My, they certainly are busy.

And here’s my reply:

Dear Mr. Brown,

As a lesbian who has raised two children and sent them to public schools, I know first-hand how cruel children can be when they find out a classmate has two mothers. Fortunately, this was a minority of children. I think, however, many children would benefit from learning from their teachers that families with gay parents exist. These families will exist whether or not gay marriage becomes the law of the land. They just won’t have the same legal rights as the families headed by heterosexual couples.

As for where you got the idea that human history has only existed for 2000 years, I haven’t the faintest notion. Most anthropologists would agree that human civilization has been around for 10000 years. Those were harsh times, filled with disease, famine and worship of sun gods and various agriculture deities. I’m sure gay people back then were too busy struggling to survive day-to-day to worry about getting married.

In modern society, this is no longer the case. Marriage is more of a legal institution than a “sacred” privilege. Much research shows that Christianity and other major religions are mere re-tellings of the pagan beliefs of Ancient Egypt. Isn’t it time that you set aside 10000 years of superstition and bigotry and step into the modern world? You’ll feel better when you do.

Sincerely,

You can write to him, too. His email address is shown above. I have also linked to NOM in the first line of this post. Have fun!

Gay Marriage Haters are Illogical

Recently, I tried to send an email to National Organization for Marriage to tell them how much I disagreed with their viewpoint. Perhaps, I have too much time on my hands. At any rate, it wasn’t actually an email. I ended up signing up for their email newsletter. Now every time they publish a hateful piece, they tell me about it and ask me for money.

Today I received an email pointing me towards a post called “Prop 8 Supporter Attacked for Distributing Yard Signs!” For some reason the hyperlink isn’t working, but you can cut and paste this into your browser to see the story that was posted on October 13th at Market Watch which is part of the Wall Street Journal:

http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/prop-8-supporter-violently-attacked/story.
aspx?guid=%7B665DEBA6-A1B2-41A5-BA45-2ACFEAAA2F48%7D&dist=hppr

The story describes an incident in which a man was punched in the face just as he was preparing to distribute yard signs supporting Proposition 8. There was only one puncher and one punchee. Yet the writer reached this conclusion:

According to the Yes on 8 campaign, the attack shows that their opponents are not as tolerant and open-minded as they would like voters to believe.

One anecdote does not reflect on a whole group. That is, in fact, the thinking-pattern of a bigot. I can’t count the number of times that I have been called names, spat upon and yes, even threatened, just for being a gay woman walking down the street. Certainly more than once.

I sent the sender of the email, Brian S. Brown, my own email which I am now making available online, because I think it came out rather well.

Dear Mr. Brown,

I read the report about a prop. 8 supporter being violently attacked. That is truly terrible. I feel, however, that most people that are against prop. 8 are tolerant and do not condone violence. I don’t understand how you can use a single, anecdotal incident to say that the anti-prop. 8 movement is intolerant. That is not logical.

It seems to me that you are the one that is trying to stir up hate with this report. Hatred begats hatred. Perhaps if the prop. 8 supporters didn’t descend en masse on neighborhoods like a small, righteous army attacking with leaflets, the climate of hatred that you are fostering would go away. Then perhaps you could turn your money and attention to more pressing problems such as the number of homeless, hungry, and unisured people in this country. I believe that is what Jesus would do.

Sincerely,

You can send him an email, too. But even if he bothers to read them, somehow I don’t think he’ll get it.

Brian S. Brown
Executive Director
National Organization for Marriage California
1530 East First Street, #218
Santa Ana, CA 92701
Toll-Free: (888)-201-8929
bbrown@nationformarriage.org
www.nomcalifornia.org